Foreword

My name is Sebastian Deleon, operative for a shadowy government agency with no name. But I’m getting really f*$%ing tired of it. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy killing.

He’s never killed anyone.

I just never get to do any of the cool shit like kill little brown people down range. Instead I’m stuck playing gopher to out of shape assholes who are way more mediocre than I am.

He’s also delusional.

My top secret duties include training would be terrorists,

Very horribly

outfitting them with weapons paid for by my own salary…

Lies, the government pays for the equipment.

Hey! Who’s narrating this, me or you?!

Sorry. Please continue.

Damn right. Where was I? Oh yeah, and then I set them up in distant countries so they can run in, kill the poor bastards and get all the glory. Sounds crazy but I think I’m getting out of the government sanctioned terrorism business. I want to start a book club for at-risk youth.

That’s actually true.

But when the government wants you back to pull more bitch duty, you wanna know what I do??!! I come back to work. This is my story; a disgruntled government agent and how I said fuck it and started sticking it to the man…

Sort of.

Preview

Meet the Goon Committee

Sebastian DeleonSebastian Deleon

Age: 27

Height: 6'-2"

Weight: 200 lbs.

Hair: black

Eyes: brown

Personality: Psychologically manipulative. Sarcastic, cynical, smart, arrogant, charming (also a lie), vain, lazy and indolent.
Biography: Sebastian grew up in a bad urban neighborhood, short hand for he grew up around a lot of minorities. He never understood what he wanted to do until he saw a soldier coming back from war. He noticed the way hippies talked crap about them and realized that he too wanted to be hated. So he joined the military and got medically discharged after faking a carpel tunnel Injury. That and he has asthma… kind of. Months of looking for work as a disenfranchised veteran led him to a coffee shop where he learned the ways of the shaman by watching lots of spoken word poetry. It was here where he decided to go back to school and he went for like a month and then found that he could fast track his career by forging everything. Several fake resumes later and he found himself with just the skill set the government wanted. An intensive two week training taught him all the martial arts skills he would ever need and now he does what he does for the government.

Skill set: A jack of all trades but master of none. He is a very accomplished martial artist and master tactician.

The Lord of Lawful Evil HimselfOrion Smith

Age: 48

Height: 5'10

Weight: 230 lbs.

Hair: white, when not shaved.

Eyes: Blue

Personality: Orion can come off as sniveling, conniving, greedy, not as smart as he thinks he is, cut throat, wimpy, and privileged. In reality, he is actually noble and very strong. He also has reasons for the lies within lies he is dealing to his underlings.
Biography: Orion is a career man with the government agency whom we shall not name. He used to be a badass and killed lots of people in war about 30 years ago. But now he’s a washed up divorcee whose kids don’t even like him but are spoiled, so he’s stuck supporting their drug habits as well as paying for their tuition. He’s also the group’s handler. Kind of like Charlie from Charlie’s angels except not nearly as pimp. He has an adopted daughter from a good friend who died.

Skill set: Demolitions expert.

Nicholas "The Soup" Gregory

Age: 28

Height: 6'-0"

Weight: 180 lbs.

Hair: black

Eyes: brown

Personality: Nicholas, also known as The Soup, is a walking book. He's ridiculously smart but has the uncanny ability of being the most socially awkward person Sebastian knows. He can't do anything without Sebastian or Gretchen. Or rather prefers not to. He's a hacker by trade. Plus has low self-esteem because he was encased in a layer of fat since adolescence. It wasn't until he started learning martial arts from Sebastian that he got in shape. He still believes he's ugly despite being ridiculously handsome.
Biography: Nicholas had always been a problem child since he could remember. He was that kid who was super lazy and big for his size, so kids messed with him. That Is until he found out that what he lacked in tact he could just break faces instead. So when Sebastian asked his child hood friend if he needed a job he naturally said yes. So as a part of the Goon Committee, Nicholas dispenses Sebastian’s brand of justice.

Skill set: Communications expert who also doubles as a marksman.

Blonde Fists of FuryGretchen Niculescu

Age: 32

Height: 5'-8"

Weight: 140 lbs.

Eyes: blue

Hair: blonde

Personality: Mean, loud, obnoxious, easily manipulated into crushing skulls. Very smart. Foreign. Willful.
Biography: Gretchen was one of Sebastian’s terrorism school graduates who passed with flying colors. But that was only because she literally killed all the proctors before the start of her exam so the government could do nothing but pass her. She is a hardened killer and a vegan who doesn’t take shit from anybody, not even chauvinistic men like Sebastian. If there is ever a job or operation that requires subtlety then Gretchen is definitely not the person for the job.

Skill set: Accomplished trauma medic who also holds several Black Belts in a number of martial arts.

Hard Nosed ReporterSheena Arranguez

Age: 34

Height: 5'-5"

Hair: black

Eye: brown

Personality: Though a very shy woman, she is also conniving, manipulative and excessively narcissistic, but a consummate professional when it comes to her journalism.

Biography: Sheena is a young woman struggling with daddy issues. She went to school for journalism but dropped out when she realized that at the university level one actually had to do work. So logically her next step was to start stripping with every intention of going back. The Goons may or may not have met Ms. Arranguez at a strip club. No one really knows how the hell she became attached to them passed that.

Skill set: Journalism
Art by Mouse

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