ForewordMy name is Sebastian Deleon, operative for a shadowy government agency with no name. But I’m getting really f*$%ing tired of it. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy killing.
He’s never killed anyone.
I just never get to do any of the cool shit like kill little brown people down range. Instead I’m stuck playing gopher to out of shape assholes who are way more mediocre than I am.
He’s also delusional.
My top secret duties include training would be terrorists,
outfitting them with weapons paid for by my own salary…
Lies, the government pays for the equipment.
Hey! Who’s narrating this, me or you?!
Sorry. Please continue.
Damn right. Where was I? Oh yeah, and then I set them up in distant countries so they can run in, kill the poor bastards and get all the glory. Sounds crazy but I think I’m getting out of the government sanctioned terrorism business. I want to start a book club for at-risk youth.
That’s actually true.
But when the government wants you back to pull more bitch duty, you wanna know what I do??!! I come back to work. This is my story; a disgruntled government agent and how I said fuck it and started sticking it to the man…
Meet the Goon Committee
Weight: 200 lbs.
Personality: Psychologically manipulative. Sarcastic, cynical, smart, arrogant, charming (also a lie), vain, lazy and indolent.
Skill set: A jack of all trades but master of none. He is a very accomplished martial artist and master tactician.
Weight: 230 lbs.
Hair: white, when not shaved.
Personality: Orion can come off as sniveling, conniving, greedy, not as smart as he thinks he is, cut throat, wimpy, and privileged. In reality, he is actually noble and very strong. He also has reasons for the lies within lies he is dealing to his underlings.
Skill set: Demolitions expert.
|Nicholas "The Soup" Gregory
Weight: 180 lbs.
Personality: Nicholas, also known as The Soup, is a walking book. He's ridiculously smart but has the uncanny ability of being the most socially awkward person Sebastian knows. He can't do anything without Sebastian or Gretchen. Or rather prefers not to. He's a hacker by trade. Plus has low self-esteem because he was encased in a layer of fat since adolescence. It wasn't until he started learning martial arts from Sebastian that he got in shape. He still believes he's ugly despite being ridiculously handsome.
Skill set: Communications expert who also doubles as a marksman.
Weight: 140 lbs.
Personality: Mean, loud, obnoxious, easily manipulated into crushing skulls. Very smart. Foreign. Willful.
Skill set: Accomplished trauma medic who also holds several Black Belts in a number of martial arts.
Personality: Though a very shy woman, she is also conniving, manipulative and excessively narcissistic, but a consummate professional when it comes to her journalism.
Biography: Sheena is a young woman struggling with daddy issues. She went to school for journalism but dropped out when she realized that at the university level one actually had to do work. So logically her next step was to start stripping with every intention of going back. The Goons may or may not have met Ms. Arranguez at a strip club. No one really knows how the hell she became attached to them passed that.
Skill set: Journalism